Struggle Smarter: Knowing When to Push and When to Let Go

Hard Isn’t Always Helpful: A Letter on Choosing the Right Struggles

Hey there, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this idea that “struggle equals growth.” I used to hold that belief so tightly, like a badge of honor. Every tough situation? I saw it as proof that I was pushing myself. Every anxious moment? “It’s just excitement,” I’d whisper, trying to reframe what my body was clearly screaming at me.

But here’s the thing. That’s not always true. Struggle doesn’t automatically mean you're becoming better. Some struggle is just… struggle. No character arc. No reward. Just exhaustion.

This realization hit me hard one day while I was working on something that felt off. I kept telling myself to push through, that discomfort was part of the process. But I wasn’t learning. I wasn’t growing. I was just stuck—spinning my wheels and pouring my energy into a black hole. It was the kind of tired that doesn’t feel earned. It felt empty.

That’s when I started thinking about the difference between good struggle and bad struggle. And wow—what a difference it makes.

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What Good Struggle Looks Like (and Feels Like)

Let’s talk about the good kind of struggle—the one that actually leads somewhere.

You know the feeling. It’s that creative chaos when you’re trying to shape an idea that isn’t fully formed yet. It’s practicing something new, messing up a dozen times, and still feeling pulled to keep going. It’s asking yourself the hard questions about what you really want and not settling for the easy answers.

Good struggle can be messy, yes. But it’s productive messiness. It’s like a workout for your brain or your spirit. You don’t come out drained; you come out sore—but stronger.

I remember a time I was preparing for a presentation that required me to develop a new skill I didn’t yet have. I fumbled. I felt awkward. But I knew it was building something inside me. That’s the key: good struggle always carries the seed of growth, even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment.

So how can we tell it’s good? Here are some signs I look for now:

• I’m learning something tangible or emotional.

• I can see even small progress over time.

• I still feel connected to my purpose or values.

• The discomfort is focused, not scattered or confusing.

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The Trap of Bad Struggle

Now here’s the shadow side: bad struggle.

It’s harder to spot sometimes, because it can wear the same clothes as the good kind. It looks like “persistence.” It sounds like “hard work.” But it’s really just spinning—overthinking, second-guessing, trying to change things or people that won’t change.

I’ve been there more than once. I’d keep revisiting the same decision a hundred different ways, hoping one more mental loop would solve it. Or I’d try to fix dynamics with people I knew I wasn’t compatible with, just because I believed I could “make it work.” Spoiler: I couldn’t.

Bad struggle drains you without return. It leads nowhere, except maybe to burnout.

The biggest lesson? Pain is not always a sign of progress. Sometimes, it’s just your inner compass telling you: this path isn’t right for you. You’re not broken for wanting something different. You’re not weak for walking away.

We need to stop glorifying “grit” at the expense of well-being. Yes, resilience matters. But discernment? That’s powerful, too.

What I’ve Learned About Letting Go

One of the most powerful shifts I’ve made recently is this: I don’t automatically choose the hard thing anymore.

I used to believe that if something was challenging, it must be worthwhile. But now? I ask a better question: What’s the cost of this struggle, and is the return worth it?

There’s an emotional tax to pushing yourself in the wrong direction. And sometimes, walking away is the courageous choice. Not every mountain is yours to climb.

That realization didn’t come easy. It took experiences in roles and environments where I couldn’t fully be myself—where I kept thinking I needed to be different to succeed. But the truth is, the environment was the issue, not me.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too sensitive” or “not tough enough,” maybe the problem isn’t you. Maybe you’re just in the wrong room.

It’s okay to leave rooms that demand you shrink just to fit in.

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A Few Tips That Helped Me Navigate Struggle Smarter

Before I wrap this letter up, I wanted to share a few tips that helped me shift my mindset:

1. Do an “energy audit.” After a task or interaction, ask yourself: Am I drained, or just tired in a good way? That’s a clue about the type of struggle you're dealing with.

2. Track progress. If you’re not seeing any kind of growth after a while—emotional, skill-based, or otherwise—it might be time to rethink your approach.

3. Separate values from noise. Is this struggle connected to your core values? Or are you stuck trying to impress someone or meet an expectation that isn’t yours?

4. Stop gaslighting yourself. Anxiety isn’t always excitement. Sometimes it’s a red flag. Listen to it.

5. Give yourself permission to pivot. There’s no prize for sticking with something that’s clearly not working. You can change direction and still be strong.

Thanks for reading this far. This newsletter wasn’t easy to write—it required me to be honest with myself first. But maybe that’s a kind of good struggle, too.

Wherever you are in your journey, I hope this helps you pause and reflect. Not every battle is yours to fight. Not every hardship is noble. Choose your struggle like you choose your investments—with intention, clarity, and care.

What’s your next spark? A new platform engineering skill? A bold pitch? A team ready to rise? Share your ideas or challenges at Tiny Big Spark. Let’s build your pyramid—together.

That’s it!

Keep innovating and stay inspired!

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